Mother Found.

If you read my LAST blog post,  you'll know that I've finally began searching for my biological parents. I'm starting the search with looking for my mother.

I just can't believe all the supportive messages, comments and phone calls that I have received during this process!! I am really stunned! I've had fellow adoptees messaging me, and [unexpectedly] BIRTH PARENTS, sharing their stories and their hearts. What a beautiful time this is.

So on Monday, it was exactly one month since the Adoption Reunion Registry received the forms.

I get an email from my case worker on Monday night (Korean time).

"I have an update on your case" she says. "Call me in the office."

I call right away- only a few minutes after her email was sent....




She tells me that the agency found HER!





That she has talked to HER!





That she has been looking for me too and wants to have contact with me!!


Elation!!!!!



But...

there were more details that I never expected to hear. I tried to prepare myself for all possible scenarios. I actually came up with 23 different scenarios and outcomes of this mission. Would you believe that the actual outcome wasn't one of the ones that I had created and "prepared" for?

How could I have ever thought of this outcome in a million years?

I feel SUCH sadness for things that my biological mother has had to go through since my birth.  I've cried and lost sleep over it.  I have a renewed since of love for her that was dormant until now.

Of course I am SO THRILLED and so thankful that we will soon be able to meet. I feel like I've been given a second chance at having a family. This is seriously the one thing I've wanted as long as I could remember- But something that I always had to hide because my adoptive mother could never have handled the truth.

My birthmother asked my case worker if I still had the blanket (that she made for me!) and the letter that she wrote me..... NO.  I never had either of those in fact. It was never passed along to me! It's really devastating. It would have made all the difference in the world to me. My adoptive mother never saw fit to give those things to me OR to even tell me they existed. :(   But it doesn't matter. It didn't stop the love that I felt coming from her. She told my case worker that she has been praying for me for my whole life. How special it was to hear that. For all of my life, I had no idea that prayers and love were being sent to me. I guess that could explain all the ways that I have been protected in my life in certain situations.


So after finding all of these things out, I basically stayed up all night. How could I sleep!?

I called my best friend in the US and she sat in the parking lot of a grocery store and talked to me for almost TWO HOURS.... My best friend from Korea is on vacation in Hawaii and she took a break from paradise to call me as soon as she got my message.  I texted two of my aunts, talked to my mother-in-law on Skype and my sister-in-laws on Facebook.  I'm so lucky to know such wise and wonderful women. Each of them has their unique role in my life- each of them are so unique and bring another piece to the puzzle.

And... my husband.... what a man! He is so strong and so loving even when he doesn't know how to react or what to say.

It was such an emotional night. Wow! It was so hard that I had to take a sick day from school the next day. I felt like I couldn't move. I had no physical or emotional strength.

I'm much better now, after the initial shock of it all. But still my mind is preoccupied with HER. I have so many other things I need to focus on: graduating, selling our stuff in Korea, planning for our US road trip, planning to move to Ecuador.  But all I can do is think and pray and meditate... searching my memory for her face, her voice, her laugh. Hoping that while I'm doing these things, she is too and we will meet in our thoughts. I believe in things like that, you know.

So what's next?

The Reunion Registry will send forms to my birthmother. She is to fill them out and have them notarized and returned to the office. The process is said to take from 2-3 weeks. Atlanta is actually having this freak winter storm at the moment... The whole city is covered in ice and snow. SO, the office has been closed for the past 2 days!!! Seriously- what are the odds!?

I'm trying to document and be open to all my emotions in this process. Very shortly, we will meet. A cycle of my life will be over, and a new one will begin. So many unknowns, but I will try to live in the present. I want to fully remember this time in my life. We leave Korea in 2 weeks and 4 days... maybe, just maybe, I will get to speak to HER before then!


ALSO
On an interesting note- Has anyone out there seen the new Disney movie, Frozen?
I tell you.... these kids are OBSESSED with it! In case you haven't, Princess Elsa has this strange ice and snow power that she tries to hide. When she is emotional or upset, her power becomes harder to control. She ends up accidentally freezing the whole town!!

Like this.

I can't help but feel like Elsa. WHY you ask? Well, my city in South Korea NEVER snows.
NEVER.

But the day I was an emotional wreck took a sick day, it snowed!!! ALLLLL DAY!

It even stuck to the ground! See...

This. Never. Happens.

Sorry to everyone that was inconvenienced by the weather that I made happen. :)


It was a strange day, all-in-all. I feel like some emotions that have been "Frozen" for almost 30 years are beginning to thaw.


I think I'm starting to warm up,

Elsa

Meg